Three weeks down!

As I am enjoying a day off, it is interesting to watch the journey continue to unfold.  The journey of my mind and body both.  After an outing to Rishikesh a week ago, I struggled with an upset stomach – likely a result of the delicious fresh juice I enjoyed.  It was worth every sip, but absolutely made the hike back up to the ashram even more challenging.  Thursday we were back to it, kicking off week 3.  

We had three nights of Diwali events – one night was local live music and spirituality, unfortunately I missed it as I needed to stay close to my bathroom.  The next night was a mindful activity where we each created a flag to represent our journey while here, henna that we each applied to one another (I have never applied henna and definitely want to explore this more!), music and a beautifully lit ashram.  The culmination, on Friday, started with an unexpected afternoon off where we learned rangoli (the practice of making beautiful pieces of art out of colorful sand) – I worked with a team on a large piece and it was very meditative.  Then we were included in the ashram’s puja as members of their family – a puja is the loving offering of light, flowers and food to the divine.  It was a beautiful ceremony full of prayer, reverence, singing, clapping and bell ringing and placing of a bindi (a paste of leaves and plants applied between the eyebrows meant to calm the mind and support concentration).  After the puja, there was an offering of the first rice harvest of the year that had been dried and puffed along with sweets shared among the group.  We then made it outside to a buffet with so many foods – we are following a strict yogic diet so this was a treat (there was actually some fried food)!  This was followed by music, a fire, sparklers, fireworks and lots of interaction, smiles and dancing.  Diwali is a celebration of the victory of light over darkness, good over evil and knowledge over ignorance – our philosophy teacher had shared the history of Diwali with us.  I was struck with so many emotions – gratitude at being able to be here and then to be here for such a significant holiday, the knowledge that has been shared, the desire to integrate this knowledge and pass it on to those I love, the deep responsibility of this reverence and rich history being a part of my own practice and teaching so I can pass on something other than our western approach to yoga.  I smiled and laughed and talked and danced and reflected on all the years I have spent being so serious, so worried, so closed off, and unable to relax and let my self experience pure joy.

The next morning I woke with a sore throat.  I won’t bore you, but I can assure you my body was in the throes of detoxifying itself from years of misuse and abuse – I had a head cold, had a fever, had a rash and a big old pimple to show for it all week.  I find myself thinking a lot about how to further purify my habits and life as I return home to the land of fast and convenient, quick and easy, and all the habits driven by stress.

I took a couple days where I did not join asana practice and skipped classes to try to give my body some space to relax and heal itself.  I am yearning to be fully engaged as we come into the home stretch and quite aware of the time passing much more quickly now.  The first two weeks felt like forever and now it feels like it slipping through my hands.

I broke into tears in morning asana mid-week after doing wheel pose.  Wheel pose has never been one I could do – I convinced myself I wasn’t strong enough, there was no way my arms could lift my body into that shape, and that my back was too tight.  We had been working into backbends for several days – practicing with a chair, practicing with a wall, practicing from the floor. And when the teacher cued us into it, taking it one small step at a time, next thing I knew I was in wheel!  Because of all the prep I knew I needed to lift my hips higher and open my chest more and ran through all the alignment checks.  I have now been in wheel pose more times than I can count (we time learning wheel alignment and adjustments) and each time I get emotional.

As week 3 neared the end we practiced headstand and handstand in both asana and alignment classes.  Headstand has been a goal of mine for a few years now (a “one day I hope to…”), earlier this year I bought a headstand bench to help better understand that feeling and core engagement required to support the pose.  I don’t yet have a headstand on my own, but with support I can do it!

To wrap up our week we did our final kriya (yogic cleansing practice).  Shankhaprakshalana was on the docket for our final practice – intestinal wash.  It consists of consuming warm salt water and performing a series of yoga poses to stimulate the digestive tract and then continuing until you get “clean” results.  This was the one that I was a hard no on from the moment I saw it, but after doing our prior kryia (stomach cleansing) and thinking about all the digestive struggles I have had for several years now I made a decision to do it.  It wasn’t easy, drinking warm salt water was the hardest part of both, but I completed it as did most of my classmates.  We supported each other through it – there were high fives, lots of bathroom jokes, toilet paper delivery and hugs.

In the coming days we will see the 200 hour class, that started their journey the same day we did, graduate and depart the ashram.  They are wrapping up exams today (Wednesday 11/6).  In our classes we have started to get guidance on our final assessments and exams.  I have firmed up my departure transportation.  So many reminders of time passing that further challenge the ability to be right here, right now.

Despite the struggles, which I know are the physical symptoms of mental struggles and habits I have been working hard to change, I am learning just how strong and capable I am.  My body has changed so much over the years – becoming a mother, working too much, gaining and losing weight endlessly, running fanatically for a stint, lifting weights to the point of injury, eating to numb my emotions, and so much more….but yet here she is today still doing new difficult things – what a miraculous machine I get to inhabit.  Despite all the abuse and hatred she has faced, she shows up time and time again.  I look forward to continuing to explore and accept and appreciate and nourish this home of my soul.

I’m going to spend today enjoying a quiet ashram – doing laundry, reading, studying, taking a hike to the waterfall, some solo practice, maybe a nap and keeping an eye on election results are all on the list of possibilities. Along with watching the monkeys!

Namaste!