It seems surreal

I just logged out and shut down my work laptop. This doesn’t seem signifiant, but this is the state it will remain in for the next 6 weeks and 2 days…. There are so many feelings that come with this – the nagging thoughts of ‘what did I not get done’, the guilt for dumping tasks on others who are already doing more than they can complete, the worry that things will go on without me but then comes the relief that things will go on without me. Why is our relationship with work so tough?

My work is a big stressor – the morale is low, people are overworked, change is endless, repeated leadership changes, I am doing three different jobs and have been for almost a year while waiting for resolution, etc…. My work is also a blessing – I am walking away for 6 weeks and will get another opportunity to do this in 5 years. My work allows me to do some really cool things and to provide for those I love. I have a lot of flexibility and I don’t have to go to an office every day. All in all, I have little to complain about.

I have thrown around the idea of walking away and trying to start something of my own and someone I admire asked me “what if the goal is to find peace and acceptance of the work that gives you this life rather than to fight it….” I have been working hard to set with this and to bring awareness to it,

Over the next 6 weeks when I find myself thinking about not going back and when I feel dread creep in, I am going to work to settle into acceptance and peace. Work is part of life and even doing what you love is still work.